As you may have seen from my Instagram posts, it’s National Infertility Awareness Week this week and the theme is “Flip the Script” because it’s time to change the narrative surrounding this disease and support those going through it. Infertility is a disease of the reproductive system which results in the the “failure to establish a clinical pregnancy after 12 months of regular, unprotected sexual intercourse” (although I don’t like the term failure). It’s often kept hush-hush, not talked about, swept under the rug and not thought of as big of a concern as it is. It’s time to shed the stigmas, spread the awareness and flip the script though. There are too many of us going through this to go through it in silence.

I think the best way to start flipping scripts is to dispel the myths and rumors surrounding the stigma. Because what are myths after all? According to dictionary.com: “a widely held but false belief or idea.” It’s easy to make assumptions about something that you’ve never experienced. We humans are really good at that. We like to judge, jump to conclusions and act like we know everything when in reality we’re clueless. When you do that you lack empathy, can’t provide honest sympathy and can come across like a real jerk.  To attempt encouraging more compassion & support for the disease of infertility here are some common myths and complementary myth-busters about it to help spread some education:

• It’s a woman’s problem  – fact is, it affects the sexes equally.
• IVF is a vanity thing – there is nothing vain about the physical and emotional pain.
• It’s because the woman made bad choices  –  Nope, it’s often an issue out of our control and up to genetics. It’s true that there are some things that can affect processes within your body that potentially reduce fertility but no one is intentionally making fertility-sabotaging choices.
• IVF is a cop out  – this is a last resort, trust me.
• IVF is the easy way out  – 0% of this is easy: the stress, the pain, the cost, the decisions, the grief, the waiting, oy vey.
• You should just adopt instead of doing IVF because it’s easier  – either choice is extremely personal and up the the couple or individual. Adoption is not easy and is not cheaper than medical infertility treatments and has it’s own terrible ride on the emotional roller coaster.
• Infertility is something to be ashamed of  –  no one chooses this path, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
• It’s rare – not true! It affects 1 in 8 couples of child bearing age.
• It doesn’t affect that many people – also not true! Infertility affects around 10 percent of women (6.1 million) in the US alone.
• Infertility treatments are selfish  –  there is nothing selfish about wanting to start a family and how you choose to do it.
• It shouldn’t be covered because it’s elective  –  it is not elective to have a disease that’s out of your control that affects a normal bodily function and in fact affects overall health.
• Emotionally it’s something you should just “get over”  –  Nope, not gonna hear this one. Emotions are healthy and the desire to have a child is deeply engrained in our human experience (of course I’m not insinuating that everyone wants to have a child either, as humans making our own choices is also deeply engrained in our human experience).
• Miscarriage is rare  –  in fact, around 20-25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage so it would be shocking if you didn’t know someone who hasn’t experienced at least one.
• You shouldn’t grieve, these aren’t real losses  –  whether you’ve had a miscarriage or not, loss from infertility has been compared to the death of a close family member. You may not have anything tangible for the loss, but the dreams, hopes and plans were there clear as day.
• It’s only old women who are affected – it’s true that infertility declines as we age, but that’s not the only contributing factor. Genetic factors can affect people of any age.
• “I would never do IVF”  –  I always say keep an open mind, you never know where your life path will take you.
• I don’t have infertility problems  –  that could be very true, but if it’s been over 1 year of trying and you haven’t had success it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get checked out by your Dr.
• Infertility treatment works for everyone  –  it’s a devastating fact that sometimes all the physical and emotional labor you could put into treatments just might never work for some people, that doesn’t mean to have a hopeless attitude, but understand that it’s not a perfect science yet.
• Infertility is a psychological problem not a physical problem- it’s all in your head  –  FALSE! While keeping a low stress level and positive mindset can help with managing the process, infertility is 100% a physical disease that can be attributed to any combination of genetics, hormones, age, environment and lifestyle.
• If you work hard enough, you’ll get pregnant  –  If that were the case I feel like I’d have 6 kids by now.
• Wait a year before seeing a dr  –   If you have a known underlying health condition and want to start a family, DO NOT feel like you have to wait the recommended 1 year before consulting a reproductive endocrinologist. You know you’re body best- listen to it.
• You waited too long to have kids  –  It’s true that age can play a factor in fertility, but when you start a family is an incredibly personal choice that can only be made when you’re ready so don’t let anyone make you feel regrets.
• You can’t have a happy and fulfilled life if you don’t have kids  –  Life is what you make of it peeps. While children can add an incomparable type of joy to your life, so can many other things like traveling and experiencing the world around your through your own eyes.
• Patience will get you pregnant  –  If I relied solely on patience to get be pregnant I would have lost my brain by now- literally. I’m pretty sure it’s science and the Dr’s and technicians that can get you pregnant when you need treatments.
• External factors don’t affect my fertility – Unfortunately things like smoking, weight, diet, exercise, sleep, stress, environmental toxins, etc can all have an impact on ones fertility.

There you have it. Script flipped on it’s head. Infertility is not a choice, it’s not just a woman’s problem, it’s not pretty, in fact it can de a downright black hole of depression, it hurts (not just your body but your mind), it’s a series of repetitive grief, its not a decision made lightly, it’s not cheap, it should be covered for all by insurance, it’s lonely, it affects millions and it’s prevalence is rising.

I’ll be here spreading the word all week and beyond because I’m passionate about helping others going through this crap. So if you are living the infertility life or know someone who is reach out! I love connecting with you all!